I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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