I could make wine with my vomit
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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