I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
