Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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