I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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