so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
