In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
