wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
