So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
