nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
