My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
