I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
