i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
