I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
