Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
