i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
