Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
