bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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