i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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