Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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