Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
