I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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