You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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