Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My ass is underappreciated
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
