Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
