I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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