Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
