life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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