hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
