I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
