im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
