i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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