Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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