Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
