So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
