Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
