I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
