i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
