I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
