I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
