Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
