is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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