I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
