I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
