I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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