By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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