my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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