So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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