I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
