I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
